The Stool

I'm not referring to the thing you sit on. It's the other thing - the one you see in toilets.

Okay, if you have a weak stomach, stop reading. I just have to put this down in words so that my son can read this some day!

You see, taking a urine sample is one thing. Taking a stool sample is quite another. Joshua has been having some tummy problem for a few weeks. And last week, after a visit to the doctor, I was told to get his stool sample so that the lab could run some tests to see what exactly was wrong with him.

Today was the day. How does one collect a stool sample? A bit tricky, that's for sure. Here's the step-by-step thing to do as I recalled.

Step 1: Put a disposable plastic container inside the toilet bowl.
Step 2: Get the kid to do his business the usual way on the toilet seat.
Step 3: Wait for kid to complete task. Clean up kid.
Step 4: Look into the toilet (This is where the scary part starts!).
Step 5: Look more closely into the toilet (at which point the stool seems to be staring silently back at you. I swear it!) to find the best way to collect the stool sample.
Step 6: Use something (in my case a pair of disposable chopsticks) to scoop up some stool. Tip - Hold your breath while doing this.
Step 7: Gently pick up the stool and put in in the jar the clinic provided. Aim for the opening so that you don't make a big, smelly mess! Tip - Keep holding your breath.
Step 8: Seal the jar. Make sure there are no remnants of stool anywhere around it.

Yucky? You bet. I hope I don't EVER have to do this again. The images of the stool as it sat quietly in the plastic container, as I scooped some of it up, as I transferred it into the jar and as I sealed it have been etched on my memory for good.

Alex will never be able to do this. Neither would his mother, who claimed to love her first grandchild unconditionally!