Alex is away on a business trip in China. He's been there for a few days. And each day, I would ask the kids if they missed their daddy. The answer was invariably a "No", expressed in an I-couldn't-care-less manner.
But this morning, I got a different reply from Joanne. She actually said "Yes". Ah finally, I thought, redemption for the man of the house. At least one of his kids finally started to miss him. When I asked my 4-year-old why, she replied: "I want Daddy to come home because we don't have much money left. We need him to give us money to buy things."
Some redemption. (I have been stressing the need to be thrifty since we are now a single income family and it appears that Joanne actually understands that more than I give her credit for.)
So Daddy is only useful because without him, we have no money. It's awful to hear my own child sounding so mercenary!
Well, that the price for not being a hands-on dad during the first 12 months of the kids' lives. Unlike many modern dads I know, Alex seemed to be stuck in the 1950s, happy to leave everything concerning the kids to me (and his parents while we were in Malaysia). It used to irk me endlessly. Then I gave up on nagging him. He would eventually regret that.
And I was right. These days, Alex does try to make up what he missed before with the kids. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to handle them. He'll be completely lost if I were to leave the kids with him for more than 2 hours. Yes, it's that bad.
The kids will always prefer me to him, no matter what. So you blokes out there, if you're about to be a dad, make sure you play your parenting role effectively when the time comes. It's kind of sad if your kids don't miss you when you're away!
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2 comments:
In all fairness to Alex, I think it's quite natural for children to be more attached to mommy.
I'm saying that it's psychologically and genetically hardwired into babies & small children to have a closer bond with mommy since she's the one who feeds them right from birth (she's got the boobs after all).
Having said that, it's true that babies grow up much, much faster than you realise. Blink and the years just fly by.
You cannot buy the memories of watching your kids as they grow with all the money in the world.
eh, i hate to say this but alex is really hopeless with the kids. but like i said, he is trying harder now. your girls are lucky to have you. my dad was pretty hands-on with us too, despite being in the previous generation.
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